If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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