so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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