Tell her she can't have a vagina
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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