is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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