you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
