OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
