i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
