so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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