Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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