I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
