I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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