you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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