I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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