She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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