in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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