Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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