And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
