At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
