I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
