just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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