Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again