Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
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it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him