I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
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you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night