Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".

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  (847): Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy". http://tfl.nu/atvg
  Replies (19) Good night (1036) Bad night (2272)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?

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  (732): last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night? http://tfl.nu/rkjl
  Replies (9) Good night (3489) Bad night (834)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.

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  (702): omg a stripper jus od'd on stage. http://tfl.nu/hgsr
  Replies (42) Good night (1880) Bad night (6075)
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  (408): View more from California

  We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.

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  (408): We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old. http://tfl.nu/3zai
  Replies (17) Good night (5835) Bad night (766)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

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  (813): yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing http://tfl.nu/tarj
  Replies (71) Good night (12698) Bad night (1214)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

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  (650): I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/l4fs
  Replies (46) Good night (9418) Bad night (2022)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover

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  (204): I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover http://tfl.nu/k1fy
  Replies (8) Good night (1433) Bad night (4126)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it

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  (402): You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day (1-402): If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it http://tfl.nu/wdhm
  Replies (12) Good night (4893) Bad night (1222)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.

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  (713): I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now. http://tfl.nu/lp4s
  Replies (34) Good night (1837) Bad night (4347)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie

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  (260): I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie http://tfl.nu/6pmw
  Replies (5) Good night (1238) Bad night (3234)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.

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  (904): whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry. http://tfl.nu/s428
  Replies (3) Good night (1412) Bad night (945)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem

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  (330): Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem http://tfl.nu/va1i
  Replies (10) Good night (1593) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.

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  (718): Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover. http://tfl.nu/imva
  Replies (5) Good night (1743) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.

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  (608): I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs. http://tfl.nu/xnbx
  Replies (9) Good night (1407) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  She looks like a beluga.

  (954): View more from Florida

  I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"

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  (941): She looks like a beluga. (954): I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched" http://tfl.nu/1qo8
  Replies (1) Good night (385) Bad night (317)

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