Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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