dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
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Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.