my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I could fuck to npr.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover