Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
