We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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