I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
