i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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