people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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