No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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