I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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