yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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