Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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