Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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