just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
