when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Someone signed my nipple.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
