I am puke
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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