Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
