i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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