why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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