He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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