Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
