You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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