i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
