He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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