I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
