Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
