My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
