i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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