just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize