Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
