Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
