you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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