but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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