He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
