Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
