For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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