my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
