I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
