Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i've created a new STD.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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