wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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