does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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