somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
