my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
