Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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