loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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