Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He did a backflip because drugs
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