Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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