Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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