Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
