So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Everything about him screamed your future.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
