Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
