Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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