I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
