with your own penis?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This baby is an asshole
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
