The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
